


but if my friends ask where you are i'm gonna say...

by notthebigspoon



Series: Amaryllis [62]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 16:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Belt said he died.”</p><p>    “... fucking what?” Lincecum shrieks, grabbing Brandon’s arm as he passes. “Fucking Penny fucking died?!”</p><p>    “Did I say dead? I meant... uh...”</p><p>Title taken from 50 Ways to Say Goodbye by Train.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but if my friends ask where you are i'm gonna say...

**Author's Note:**

> What it says on the tin. The song came up on Pandora at work and my brain ran away with it.

“Belt said he died.”

“... fucking what?” Lincecum shrieks, grabbing Brandon’s arm as he passes. “Fucking Penny fucking died?!”

“Did I say dead? I meant... uh...”

“You told me he fell in a cement mixer.” Vogelsong snorts. “Hey Angel, what’d he tell you?”

“Eaten by a lion.”

“Told me he got hit by a car.” Pence chimes in. “And when I asked again he said drowned in a hot tub.”

“Oh my god, I am so done with all of you.” Brandon gasps, shaking his head and rushing out of the park.

He’s lied a lot when it comes to Brad, he’ll admit that. And it’s not like anyone actually believed what he was telling them, nor did he expect them to, when they asked what had happened between him and his now ex-boyfriend. The lies got consistently more outrageous and he’d hoped that maybe they’d stop asking but of course they hadn’t. Nobody on the team knows how to mind their own business. And he can’t tell them the truth, that it still hurts too much to talk about.

They’d both known that there was no chance in hell that Brad would be coming back to the Giants. And Brandon had thought that maybe somehow they could make it work, but it hadn’t even been a week after the series when he realized that if it wasn’t over yet, it was about to be. Brad had known he wasn’t going to garner much interest on the market. He didn’t go out gracefully either, had snarled and thrown and smashed things. It had been so ugly.

Brandon doesn’t know what he’s really doing these days. He never looks at his twitter and he deleted his number months ago. And it’s not like Brandon hates him. He even sort of wishes that they were still together sometimes. They had a good run, however short it was. If Brad could just have been supportive or a little happy for Brandon instead of being bitter about his own career, maybe things would be different.

Maybe.

On the whole, other than being lying profusely and inventively about his ex-boyfriend’s location and state of being, he thinks that he’s handled things pretty well. He allowed himself one night to be depressed and get blindingly drunk and after that, he moved on. He hasn’t even really minded the teasing that he’s probably going to pick up another ‘used up’ pitcher to play with. And maybe it really is time to move on. It’s been four months. He wishes he was the king of guy who could just go out and have a one night stand to blow off steam but that’s not him.

He stays close to Vogelsong. Ryan’s a safe person, still taken, long since forgiving Melky and pretty happy with him the last that Brandon thought to ask. Lincecum hovers with them too and that’s something Brandon doesn’t like. Tim is a nice guy but he’s really pretty and he flirts a lot and Brandon doesn’t know how to respond to that. He can’t flirt to save his life and for all he knows, Tim is still engaged to Wilson. He hasn’t said anything about it and everyone is too afraid to ask. Brandon is teasable but Tim is something else, something downright volatile.

When they go out with the team for drinks after a game, ultimately they’re left on their own, sitting on opposite sides of a booth and watching the others in various states of inebriation. Pence, Pagan and Blanco are making out in a corner that isn’t nearly dark enough for that amount of groping and tongue. Vogey is brooding at the bar while Cain rubs his back and shares Looks with Lopez over his head. He doesn’t know what the hell the Venezuelan guys are doing. It looks like an overly complicated mating ritual. He makes himself look away.

“Depressing, isn’t it?” Tim asks, taking a shot and wincing.

Brandon blinks. “Which one? Because all of it is depressing in one way or another.”

“All of it.” Tim laughs quietly. “I wish I was Pence or Pagan or Blanco because I wish I had zero fucks to give about what people think about my personal life. I wish I was Vogey because I’ve never met someone so certain that love is going to work out in his favor before. Well, there’s Whitey but that doesn’t count, he’s not here anymore.”

“And the other guys?”

Tim flushes. “I might get a little jealous sometimes when Pablo is paying attention to someone who isn’t me.”

“You’re right, that _is_ depressing.” Brandon answers, trying not to laugh. He fails miserably.

“Not funny asshole.”

“It’s a little funny.”

“Maybe.” Tim answer grudgingly. “I just hate being alone.”

Brandon takes a deep breath and prepares to be yelled at. “You and Weezy split up then?”

“No. We’re still engaged, he’s at home.” Tim shrugs. “Was I upset with him? Hell yes. Will I be upset if he signs with another team? Fuck yeah and he won’t get laid for at least a month. But we’ve gone through too much. I love him, I’m not going to lose my fiance over some stupid shit like that.”

“Really happy for you.” Brandon says softly. He’s pleased with himself when he realizes he sincerely means it. “Why did you cave if you don’t like being alone?”

“You’re here. I’m not really alone... yeah right.” Tim sighs. “I love him but I get stir crazy when he’s the only one I see. I miss hanging out with you guys. Brian works out all the time and he never wants to talk about the team. I can’t take him anywhere you guys are going to be. Fuck, I don’t know who’s avoiding who anymore.”

It’s all downhill from there. Tim gets drunker and drunker, drilling Brandon with questions about how his relationship with Brad ended up on the rocks and grumbling about how he might as well be alone, his fiance seems desperate to live in another city. He surrenders his phone when Brandon asks if he can borrow it. Brandon texts Wilson the name of the bar and ‘come get me’ before handing Tim’s phone back and waiting.

He doesn’t notice Wilson at first when he gets there. The room doesn’t go dead quiet like in the movies. There’s a brief rise in the noise level that makes him look up. Wilson is already halfway across the bar, head covered by a beanie and beard as out of control as it’s ever been. His refusal to look at any of his former teammates is so obvious it’s painful. He acknowledges Brandon with a curt nod before crouching down and squeezing Tim’s shoulder. His expression changes in an instant, becomes something soft and gentle and happy.

“Little too much to drink baby?”

“Maybe.” Tim answers grudgingly, an admittedly adorable pout on his face.

All it does it make Wilson smile and kiss him before he’s wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him to his feet. Tim staggers and grips his shirt, whispering ‘love you’ and beaming when Wilson says it in turn and kisses the top of his head. Brandon watches them carefully cross the bar, Tim periodically stumbling and Wilson never letting him fall. It’s sweet, beautiful even, and it makes Brandon’s eyes sting. He bites his lip and stares down into his last shot of tequila, rubbing the heel of his hand over his eyes. Maybe it’s time for him to leave.

When he quietly asks Lopez to give him a ride, the guy answers with ‘of course’ before frowning and asking if Brandon’s okay, if seeing Weezy upset him that much. Brandon doesn’t know how to describe how he’s feeling and he’s absolutely humiliated when he whispers that he would give anything in the world to have that kind of absolute love. They don’t talk on the drive back to his apartment and Brandon says nothing to Charlie, going straight to his room and locking himself in.

_**Brandon:**_ why did you have to be so angry and bitter? we could have been great

_**+15805554313:**_ u don’t get it, just wait til ur career goes down in flames

_**Brandon:**_ i’m really sad for you.

_**+15805554313:**_ why the fuck would u be sad for me?

_**Brandon:**_ i hope you find what you’re looking for brad. i really do.

He puts his phone down and looks at the last picture he has of him and Brad. He grabs it, pulls it out of the frame and goes out onto the balcony with a lighter, watching it go up in flames and flicking it away when his fingers start burning. It’s every bit as satisfying as he thought it would be.


End file.
